Of Goddesses and Cats

In the beginning the Goddess created the world, and upon making the map saw immediately, it needed cats. Cats were her first animal creation and she saw that it was good. She purred and licked her paws in self congratulation. But she saw immediately, her best thing needed support; animals and fish to eat, a good place for them to raise their kittens and cubs, and entertainment for their quick agile minds. So the Goddess created animals for her cats to feast upon, birds, mammals, fish, all were the fodder for  the Goddesses favorite shining gem. 

Fast forward to the present day and one might wonder, how did the world get so confused, Human beings seeming dominant, and even dogs having a place of hierarchy above their station? It is pure illusion I assure you. Cats still are the top of the pyramid, and the beloved of the Goddess.  

Just because a cat in your home doesn’t eat you is not because you are superior to her in any way. Small cats were designed by the Goddess to have domain over small animals, while large cats were designed to dominate larger prey. You simply have taken in the wrong cat for the natural ebb and flow of the Universe. You should be living with a Lion, a Tiger, a Jaguar, or a Puma. These are the cats designed for larger animals; you simply have violated that order by dominating smaller cats. Thus Lions and Tigers may be high royalty, but we Dukes and Duchesses in the small animal world rule below us without the prey in larger contests demanding the heads of the Lion Classes. High Demigods are often carted off to a prison, a place of defiance and mockery the humans call “Zoo”. In no way are small cats of the caste as human beings. We are the true natural point on the food pyramid and therefore the real Masters. It simply was a French-style Revolution and our Gentry have not yet regained our titles or estates. In a plain way of putting it, humans, even though we sometimes approve their adorations, are all lowly peasants. Cats are the true Aristocracy of the Earth.

A common question among growing kittens is “Why did the Goddess create humans if they do not immediately obey us, or torment our cousins with zoos and circuses?”

The Goddess in her wisdom did not want her favorites to do menial work. Soon the natural dens, the rotted out stumps and small caves on Earth numbered insufficiently to harbor the number of cats. With such a housing shortage she created humans as servants to cats, building for them spacious caves with all the comforts cats desire. But in giving those hairless monkeys skill in building she did not take away the monkey capacity for mischief. Soon the Humans seized power, lulling cats with roast turkey. The turkey and its tryptophan lulled cats into too many naps. Before cats knew it they were drinking saucers of milk sitting on velvet pillows, totally absorbed in decadent pleasures while their power crumbled into mere ceremonial title.

Another prominent disagreeable factor in the order of things are dogs. A cat in her frustrations may very well plead to the Goddess, “Why did you curse the world with these dogs? They give no comfort and they certainly fail to obey we cats, their betters.”

This mystery is far older and deeper, coming from the time of before the rise of humans. The Goddess made cats first and to her error made the dog as our valets, the body servant and security for the royal classes. The Canine was large and brutish, devoted to leadership and slow of cunning. The dog was fierce and loyal, but as witless as the minion of an evil mad scientist. Little did cat notice the murmurings from below when human and dog came together. From the ranks of servant and Praetorian Guard rose a duality of trouble, the disloyal usurper Man and his villainous conspirator Dog. They formed a cabal against the cat that remains fortified in place to this day. The point of the triangle now pointed down, Man and Dog making up its hypotenuse while cats are thrown below at an inverted apex. It is the master in check by the forces of ambitious revolutionaries.

All of this is the catma of the truth told by cats. Dogs may stick with foolish dogma, but we know better.

I am a fortunate cat to have been born feral. My Mother escaped her bondage (though it be from a gilded cage) and went rouge. Living on a farm in the high lonesome, many cats choose to hunt in the wild rather than forbear servitude. She was one such spirit that needed no Meow Mix, balls with bells or laser pointer dots to chase. She lived off mice, birds, shrews and snakes, of which the barn and surrounding woods provided in abundance. I was born away from the narcotic of human pampering. I was born a huntress and in my natural stride.

But life in wild setting bears its costs. My brothers and sisters while still young were carried off by coyotes and hawks. It is the way of the Goddess. Even the predator is prey if they fail to hone their fighting and stealth skills. I found myself without kin, but being a cat, was not overly concerned at the loss. Better they than I.

Like every barn there is a farm house, always there the servants and guards of cats, but not on petting or purring terms I assure you. I let the humans be, and because I kill for food small things they detest, they do not attempt to take away my independence.

I have been reminded by my typist that so far, all I have pontificated about is the superiority of cats. Well? So what? I should schmooze up to some slobbery dog or clueless human? I think better of my readers than to waste their intelligence on such sophistry. Next time, more about me.

Critter